I kind of really want to go out drinking.
Like, I wanna dress up all pretty.
And go drinking in a couple of bars.
But that is reckless and dangerous.
And I would only be doing it because I’m upset with myself.
And I wasn’t invited to anything.
But it’s a Saturday night.
I’m making myself upset with bad thoughts and hypothetical scenarios again.
Why do i do this to myself.
I couldn’t even eat dinner well because of how upset I made myself just thinking.
I think too much.
I cry to easily.
I was wearing a fat binding thing earlier while walking so I could exercise while I read for class.
I am in so much pain now from wearing it for so long.
No wonder people are saying spanks and the like are bad for you.
My gut is in the most pain.
I feel like I’m gonna throw up unless I’m constantly sucking it in.
Hell i just feel like I’m gonna barf no matter what I do.
I was going to try to go to the movies with a friend tomorrow, but my mom wants me to work for her instead.
It’s a good thing I didn’t tell my friend I wanted to watch a movie with them only to set up disappointment.
I dislike disappointing others.
It makes me upset with myself.
I CAN’T FOCUS.
THIS IS REALLY ANNOYING.
EMOTIONS GO AWAY.
MIND, STOP IMAGINING SCENARIOS THAT ARE BAD FOR ME. STOP IT. STOP IT NOW.
I DON’T WANT TO CRY OR FEEL SAD OR WHATEVER.
JUST LET ME FOCUS.
F O C U S.
I put myself in a downer mood earlier and it hasn’t gone away. I thought doing this would help. It did. But only a little.
So about my personal statement.
It’s going to be written in single spaced.
With a blank line between each paragraph.
I……I’m so ingrained in the system of writing essays for school this simplicity has become foreign to me (only for professional papers of course, on here it’s whatever).
This is weird.
My cousin wants to borrow my Disney pass in hopes of passing off as me.
But I don’t think it’ll work.
One: she’s 8 years older than me.
Two: She doesn’t look like me. Like at all. Not even when she was younger. I don’t look like her.
I just don’t think it’ll work, like at all. I mean, it’s one thing if we were sisters, but we’re not.
Today has been a really great day. :3